dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
