it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
