He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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