I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize