it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
