you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
