shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
