I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
