I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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