at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
