if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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