The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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