True but thats because hes a fetus.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
