Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
