I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
