I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
