She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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