my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
