A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
