Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
