I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
