there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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