i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
