ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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