Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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