she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
