yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
