if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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