The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
