doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
