I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
