It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
