OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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