I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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