Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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