I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
