so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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