he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
