In the future we'll all be gay
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We need to get me chipped asap
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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