dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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