Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
