My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize