I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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