so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
