If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's just like the Real World with babies
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize