Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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