Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
