nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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