TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
