after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
