My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
