you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
