I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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