I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
cat food counts as protein by the way
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
