so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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