Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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