yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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