you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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