i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
