she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
