If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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