so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
