She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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